Because of Carson Moon Page 5

  “McKinzi,” he said, walking over to me, “I thought you wanted to be with me.”

  “What?” I frowned.

  “You look disgusted.”

  “Oh.” In myself, not you. “Sorry. I’m not disgusted. I just...” How could he have been okay with a whore like me being with him? Someone who was so passionate and kind even when he was rough and menacing like now? How could he want me?

  I wasn’t even going to entertain the thought.

  I stared him right in the face, faking pity on him. “I’m not looking to be with anybody. I don’t do boyfriends.”

  “What the fuck, then? You think I just go down on every girl I’ve only known for two weeks?” he asked. Was that loneliness I heard in his wavering voice? Was it desperation? What was it? What was it that broke my heart into so many pieces, I could barely listen to him without starting to cry. “There’s something between us,” he insisted.

  “It is—really intense and probably amazing sex. Friends who sometimes sleep together,” I offered.

  “What?” he stepped back, his face contorted, and then all expression left from his face. “Seriously?” he whispered with a lowered head.

  I finally stared up into his hurt, frowning face. “Yes, Carson. I do like you. But we don’t know each other, we just sixty-nined. Why are you acting like this is a big deal? Don’t worry, you passed the test, you’ve got a big dick. We can have sex whenever you want. Stop being so serious.”

  “That’s not how this type of thing works, stuff like this is...”

  “Listen, Carson, I’m focused on school and I don’t really care to have a boyfriend or be in any type of relationship. I want to be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want.”

  I’d never in a million years deserve to be with someone like him anyway. Even if I wanted to have a boyfriend. It couldn’t be him. He was just wrapped up in this because I probably gave him the best head he’s ever had. When he really gets to know me, he’ll stop being this way. I told myself that. The sincerity in his eyes, the longing in his face, even the stance of his body let me know he was a good person and I had most likely put him in a position that he had never been in before. Even without really trying, I had corrupted him. That was what I was good at—getting things dirty and destroying them.

  Chapter 7: Happiness

  It was October fifth, my twenty second birthday, and Kira and I had gone out. We never really celebrate either of our birthdays, but she asked me if I wanted to go to dinner, so we did. It was a little Italian place downtown. We chatted and had a delicious meal. As we walked into the apartment, I wanted nothing more than to take a shower and go lay down.

  “Oh, I’m stuffed!” Kira laughed as she closed the door behind her.

  I was almost to my room.

  “I know. Thanks for tonight.” I glanced back to see a red envelope on the counter. Kira and I made eye contact.

  “You going to open it?”

  I shook my head and continued to my room. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and called my mom. She didn’t answer. As expected, but I thought I’d try. Tossing my phone on the bed, I grabbed my toiletries and took a hot, long shower. When I emerged from the bathroom, Kira was sitting on the sofa. The pink towel around my body was barely holding up. I had to hold it across my chest with my hand.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, stepping out of the hallway.

  “Nothing, thinking.”

  “About what?” I said sitting, like a child on the sofa.

  “Senior year.” She smiled kindly at me. “Next year we’ll be adulting.”

  “It’ll be fine.”

  “It will.” She nodded. “It’ll be weird not having you as a roommate.”

  “Yeah, but I’m not going back home. I’m staying here. You too?”

  “I am. No reason to go back home, you know? My mom—”

  “Let’s stop talking about all this sad stuff,” I interrupted. “What time is it?”

  “Um, it’s a bit after nine,” she said, after pressing the home key on her phone to make the screen brighten.

  “Am I really going to stay home on my birthday and do nothing?”

  “That would be a change.”

  “I don’t feel like doing anything, really.” That was a lie, but I was keeping my real feelings at bay. “I think I’ll just go masturbate.” I giggled as I stood up and made my way to the hall entrance.

  Kira laughed, “Sounds like a plan, I might go do the same thing.”

  “Goodnight.” I smiled and went into my room.

  I opened my closet and pulled out my sex box and sat down on my legs as I removed the top and sat it beside the box. I stared down at all my toys, hundreds of dollars on sex toys.

  Did Carson know it was my birthday today? Would he even care? I closed my eyes, angry with myself. Why do I care if he knows or not? No one cares about my birthday. It’s stupid anyway. My shoulders dropped, I’m not in the mood to masturbate, I decided placing to top on the box and pushing it back into the closet.

  I let the towel fall onto the floor and flopped down on my bed, where my phone was. I found it and had every intention to casually text Carson. To my surprise, he had already texted me.

  Carson: Wyd

  Me: nothing

  Carson: It’s Friday lets do something

  I frowned. So, he doesn’t know. How would he know? I never told him.

  Me: No thanks. I’m naked.

  Carson: Let me see.

  Me: NOT sending nudes.

  Carson: Def not what I meant

  Me: wym

  Carson: I’m coming over—stay naked

  A girlishly cute giggle burst from my mouth as I bent my knees in the air. The phone fell from my hands and I turned over, wrapping my arms around myself.

  I wish he didn’t make me feel like this.

  Despite what he said, I put on a sweatshirt and some cute white panties with a pretty pink bow in the front and lacy sides. By the time I had sat back down my phone rang.

  “Hey, Owen.” I smiled.

  “Happy birthday.”

  “Oh, thanks.” How did he know? Did I tell him?

  “So, no birthday sex this year?”

  “U-um, I...”

  “Oh, do you have a new friend? Is that why I haven’t been hearing from you lately?”

  My smile vanished.

  “Are you trying to call me a slut?”

  “Um... no?”

  “Good, because who else I fuck is none of your business.”

  “I know. No need to get defensive.” He coughed, and cleared his throat after sniffing. “Just thought you might want to hang out.”

  “Hang out? When have we ever hung out? Just say it. You called for sex. On my birthday you wanted me to give you something.”

  “No, that’s not it. I actually just—I wanted to let you know—”

  “Let me know what?”

  He paused. “Things have been kind of rough. I miss you.”

  “No, you don’t. You miss the inside of my vagina. But it’s my vagina, and I’ll give it to whoever I want to.”

  “I don’t know why you’re so angry at me. I was just calling to say happy birthday. See how you were doing. See if I could do anything to make you happy or—”

  “My happiness is not your responsibility, Owen.”

  “You’re right. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be.”

  “What are you even saying?”

  “I... I... wish I could see you more. I miss your pretty face, your sweet laugh.”

  “Nothing about me is sweet and you know it.” I swallowed, conviction in every breath I took.

  “What’s going on? We’re talking, but not saying very much. You’re just yelling at me.”

  “When do we ever talk? Why start now?”

  “Because you’re acting weird.”

  “Fine. I do have a new friend. All right? See? I am the whore you think I am.”

  “I don’t think you’re
a whore. Stop saying shit like that. Would you listen to me for a change? You can be with whoever you want to, I’ll still be your friend, even if we don’t have sex.”

  “I don’t need your permission to live my life how I want to.”

  “I know you don’t. I wasn’t trying to give it.” He weakly coughed again. His voice made me want to cry.

  “I—I’m sorry Owen. I... Carson called first, it would be rude to—”

  “Carson, aye?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Is he a student at Wyatt?”

  “He is.”

  “That’s fine. I get it. That’s a good thing. You tell this Carson I said to take care of you.”

  “Shut up, Owen.” My cheeks warmed. “I take care of myself. Next time, you just beat him to the punch.” I giggled.

  “Happy birthday, McKinzi.”

  “Thanks. Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  I sat the phone down on my bed and stared blankly forward.

  What is with him? I could see if he would have just wanted sex, but all that stuff he said, wanting me to be happy? He usually texts anyway, he doesn’t call. He’s being weird.

  A knock came at the door.

  That’s probably Carson, I thought, sitting up lethargically.

  I opened my bedroom door to hear Kira talking.

  “Oh, are you Kin’s birthday present?”

  “What? It’s her birthday?!” Carson asked in a high pitched, nervous tone.

  Shit. I stepped out into the hall.

  Our eyes locked as he stood in the door. I glanced over at Kira who was leaning on the opened door to the left of Carson.

  “You didn’t tell him today was your birthday?” She smirked.

  “I forgot,” I peeped.

  “That’s okay.” Carson smiled, walking over to me, as Kira shut the door. His fingertips touched my skin. He lifted my chin and kissed me, his delicious warm tongue making love to mine. I felt so light that I could fly, just drift away. Maybe seeing Carson was all I really wanted for my birthday, but I thought it was a wish I didn’t deserve.

  When I opened my eyes, his big brown eyes were staring into mine. That tranquil, boyish sweet smile that stole my breath away and gave me goosebumps, I was staring at. My cheeks were on fire and I couldn’t help twiddling with the ends of my sweatshirt.

  “Wanna have a sleepover?” he said, taking all of the tension away. My couldn’t help but grin ear to ear as my eyes veered over at Kira.

  “Sure, I’m down. We’ve got drinks, popcorn. How about some movies or something?”

  I started to shake my head before I spoke, my hair coming out of place. “N-no.”

  “No?” Kira said. “Okay. See ya.” She turned back and smirked at Carson then me as she walked past us and into her room, closing the door behind her.

  I lowered my head, my hair hiding Carson from my sight.

  What am I feeling?

  “You don’t want to hang out with your friend?” Carson asked one hand in his jeans pocket as he pushed my fallen hair behind my ear and lifted my head up. I couldn’t keep my eyes from him anymore.

  Every time he touches me, I feel like I’m going to die. I gulped.

  “Um... I’m pretty tired.” I struggled to get out.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled.

  “Me too.” He smirked, slowly locking his fingers into mine. “Let’s go lay down, okay?”

  I don’t lay down with guys. I just—we just... have sex. But I can’t refuse him.

  “Okay,” I peeped and let him lead me to my bedroom like a little girl. My head dropped again. What was most frightening is that his presence was all that was needed. I didn’t want to have any kind of sex. I just wanted him to look at me and only want to see me.

  I sat down on my bed as he let go of my hand and took off the thin jacket he was wearing, revealing his toned arms. My legs closed themselves on each other as my body grew more tense.

  What am I fifteen? Seeing a boy makes me happy? Really?

  Carson pulled his shirt over his head revealing that beautiful body of his. I had to look up at him. His body called to me. His hair was even messier, and that just made him even more irresistible.

  “Can I get the light?” He paused, probably waiting for me to answer, but I didn’t. I simply stared at him. “Is it cool? Is this what you want, to just lay in bed with each other?” he asked walking slowly over to me as his shirt fell to the floor. He stood almost between my legs. My eyes lowered to the floor as my heart raced out of my chest.

  “I guess,” I could barely say.

  He kneeled down in front of me.

  “You sure?” he asked, kissing my inner thighs softly, sending all sorts of flutters and sparkles through my body. “I don’t have a present for you—I mean a tangible one. This might be selfish, but I’d like to just be with you on your birthday. Would that be good enough?”

  My eyes closed and my body shuddered. He was only kissing me, ever so lightly. Was it his words or the act of how loving and caring those kisses were, each one wrapping me in safety and seduction?

  “Yeah,” I swallowed, awkwardly squirming, just slightly, “That’s perfect.”

  Perfect? Did I really just say that. I sound lame, but I can’t really say anything else? I feel like I’m about to have seven orgasms, right now.

  “Good.” He rose to his feet and turned the light off. The moonlight shone into the room, lighting it enough, for my eyes to adjust quickly to the semi-darkness. Carson laid down in my bed and covered himself. “Why are you just sitting there? Come here.”

  I took a deep breath and climbed in the bed on the other side. As I was about to lay down Carson reached for me, pulling the ends of my sweatshirt as he sat up. Our eyes met in the twinkling of the moonlit room and he pulled my sweatshirt over my head, and I let him. I wasn’t wearing a bra, so my body was revealed to him. He laid down and pulled me gently to him, covering me and he held me closely.

  His body was so warm and exactly what I wanted to feel on me. It was heaven.

  “How was your day?” he asked.

  I snuggled deeper into his chest, his strong arms embracing me.

  “It was good. Me and Kira went out for dinner.”

  “What did you have?”

  “It was an Italian restaurant. I had some alfredo.”

  “Did you have fun?”

  “Yeah, it was—it was great.”

  What am I doing? I can’t lay here with him, talking and shit. But I also can’t bring myself to tell him to leave. He just got here. I sighed. Well, it is my birthday, it’s something special, not something that will happen all the time, so I guess it’s fine. I got even more comfortable in his arms.

  His lips touched mine, the sweetness was so consuming, my arms wrapped around him almost unconsciously. It seemed like my tiny moans made Carson hold me tighter. He rolled over on his back, putting me on top of him. He spread his legs wide and scooted to the middle of the bed, my legs fell between his as I laid on his chest. His lifted head slowly then fell down on the pillows as he closed his eyes.

  “How was your day?” I asked him.

  “My day? My day was shit. I finished my midterm paper early. It’s not due until next week, but it’s been hell.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it. This makes up for all the shitty days I’ve ever had.”

  My eyes widened and I couldn’t speak. Carson didn’t open his eyes and he really didn’t need to. I wasn’t thinking about sex at all, I had already been completely and utterly satisfied.

  Who says things like that? I smirked, laid my head down on his chest, and closed my eyes. I started to drift off to sleep.

  “Kin?” Carson whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “Happy birthday.”

  Chapter 8: Run In

  It was the week before midterms and I was headed to my Analyzing and Interpreting Literature class, the only general education course I had to ta
ke that semester. As I made my way there, I turned down the hall to my class and I saw Carson talking to a guy. He wore a beanie; the ends of his hair surrounded his face messily. I could barely see him. Even though Carson was smiling, my chest clenched.

  I stopped two doors short of my classroom. Carson glanced my way. The guy looked at me too. My chest got even tighter when the guy Carson was talking to tapped him on the shoulder, gaining his attention. He said something to Carson. I fixated on his expression, but it was only a cool smile.

  What are they talking about? I was afraid this was going to happen. Okay don’t panic, maybe you haven’t slept with him and he has no idea who you are and he isn’t telling Carson that you’re the hugest slut at Wyatt.

  I tried to calm myself down, but the next second I panicked, my eyes darting sporadically over the bronze and natural marmoleum composition hallway floor. I peered over at Carson and he was waving the guy away and heading in my direction. I hurriedly sprinted toward my classroom door, but Carson reached me before I could go inside.

  “Hey.” He smiled.

  I bit my bottom lip, arrowing my eyes inside of the classroom as we stood in front of the door.

  Shit, mostly everyone is in there. I fretted, locking eyes with a girl who usually sits in front of me in class, quickly I shot my eyes down to the floor.

  This bitch. She’s always looking at me.

  “H-hey.” I swallowed up and shuffled my feet as I glanced around the hall, awkwardly.

  “Is this your class?” he asked, stepping closer to me.

  I fluttered my eyes up at him, unable to keep them away. He leaned downward, closer to me in a caring manner. I wanted to hug him, but instead I moved back.

  “Yeah, it is. I’m about to be late,” I said, glancing to the left, scratching the back of my neck. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Kin?” he called, but I ignored him and went and sat in my middle row seat.

  I purposely kept my eyes on my desk as I placed my backpack on the surface slowly opening it.

  When I couldn’t resist looking anymore, I stole a glance out of the door as the instructor began his lecture. Carson was gone. I sighed in relief and sat back. I took my textbook and notebook out slowly, sitting my backpack beside me on the floor.